I feel all filled up again. Over the weekend the Twin and I worked on getting the house ready for Easter. The weather was stunning; spring is really clobbering me over the head with a frying pan this year. As I was scurrying to and fro, readying things, cutting branches of brilliant forsythia to decorate, I realized that the gloom was gone and I felt light, energetic, even giggly.
Since I've been keeping this blog I've become more aware of moments like that, and perhaps more prone to dissecting them. Was it the idea of a project with an outcome that would be pleasing to others? Was it just the pleasure of movement again after feeling stagnant, goal oriented activity? Looking forward to seeing the whole clan together again?
But perhaps there's something to be said for not looking a gift horse in the mouth and just going with it. Our Easter was gorgeous. Family, flowers, sunlight, the deck, lots of food, watching Neph's golf moves in the backyard and cuddling Niecey. It was an event that felt like the good old days, except we are living them right now.
A year ago now, I was (and we, my family, were) right in the middle of what I didn't know at the time was a cluster of painful occurrences that was not yet over.
But it is now. And even though I am still gun-shy and tend, more than I used to, to think that every zit is symptomatic of a horrible disease and every stray sound in the house is impending structural collapse... no bad stuff has happened in a while now. And I'm beginning to be able to believe that in fact a personal armageddon has not occurred, rather, a tidal wave of crises swept through but now I'm coming down the other side. And things are ok. On days like today, even great. If nothing else, my year of yucky has brought into sharp relief the delicious and savory moments of normalcy.
And to those, I toast.